Memoirs of a Worldly Guy
The time to get an education has come around and after packing up my trunk I take off for the halls of learning at the University of Alberta in Edmonton.
Dad quietly talks me out of registering in Dentistry. I register in Engineering. I am not pleased with the low temperatures and I complain about the prison food I am treated to at Mom's cousin. My move to the Ford house has many more opportunities in 'real life'.My youthful stupidity helps me to avoid any involvement with the sex-starved mistress and the importunities of the full-chested nurse who also has plans for me.
My consistent complaints to the military management result in being 'punished' by being sent to the Colonel Belcher where young nurses cater to me.
What I think of as 'Army Asininity' reached its culmination during the first two weeks of May 1943, when the entire regiment was entrained for the World War I training camp at Sarcee on the T'suu Tina Nation Indian Reserve southwest of Calgary. We were 'comfortably' lodged in bell tents, which were presumably survivors of WWI and were eagerly looking forward to two weeks of rigorous 'boot camp-style' training, long route marches and simulated warfare. Whoopee!
Ernie is pleased that we are chosen to work for the summer.with a major oil company and will survey in the Turner Valley area. His first 'boo boo' is to rent a room with a 3/4 bed! I soon moved to the local hotel. My surveyor was prone to thirst, if you get my meaning. He was moved to Taber , but my new surveyor, who doesn't drink excessively, continues the stupidity. We have the good fortune to meet Guy Weadick, which means nothing to my associate. I come close to killing myself through a bit of laziness. Art adds to the danger by playfully rolling boulders down the mountainside.
Guy Weadick was born in New York but has come up to Calgary from Miinnesota in 1920 with his trick-roping wife Flo and eventually stages the original Calgary Stampede. I meet him when he is trucking fence rails in a Dench truck from near our campsite to his ranch near Longview. He invited us to eat dinner with him and his wife and I still remember the greasy pork chop.
Gunner and I are assigned to a small room of the Phi Kapp house basement. It is usually referred to as the 'Hell Hole'. Initiation to the fraternity is still extant and takes place in the basement. Some of the initiates seem to enjoy the embarrassments of the process; others fight every move. We are reminded of the initiations for succeeding months thanks to a bright lad who throws the ersatz fecal smell into the snowbank next to the front steps of the house.
One year of association with the Canadian Army is one more than enough. I decide to pay a tearful farewell to Col. Warren and his minions. I find the Royal Canadian Navy Volunteer Reserve more laid back.We travel each summer to Naden at Esquimalt in British Columbia. I am on board a Navy Fairmile when the war comes to an end.
I'm billeted with Clive Bowlsby and will return the Gillete Blue Blades I borrowed if I run into him again. A group of 'maniacs' sleep in minus 40 degree weather in the 'Sleepout' and are proud of it. The directors of the Junior Class class executive have a series of meetings preparatory to 'the big dance' which is really the only responsibility they have all year. 'Doc McEach' tries to incite a verbal bollocking of Joe Shoctor and Frank Quigley for the chorus line they organized for 'Con' Hall but loses the argument.
I burn the tip of my 'ying yang' fairly severely on the steam radiators when I lean over to get a glimpse of the new aircraft en route to Russia. I am in the shower room naked as a jaybird at the time. Several days of discomfort ensue.A variety of childlike pranks breaks out as final exams approach. Water bombing and 'Singeing the Turkey' are only two of the pranks that deserve adult supervision. I have a showdown of my own with the President of the University.
I am assigned to the laboratory in Warfield but soon realize that I am not working on the discovery of the century. On the contrary I have a routine that never varies and am quickly fed up. I am additionally cheesed off when I am phoned by my boss's wife attempting to coerce me into rewriting an adult's burlesque to a children's play. I am invited to one of the many parties convened by the Trail elite.A tall, lugubrious individual whom I am not acquainted with harasses me.The minions of the laboratory are involved in an exercise which would drive the environmentalists of today around the bend.
I am notified just before Christmas that I wouldn't be required in Trail but to report to the Nitrogen Plant in Calgary. There are a couple of tasty females at the plant but I remain honest. I take a trip to Edmonton for a final confrontation with my loved one. 'Set a date or return the ring!' She returns the ring. Bother! I fall into the habit of eating my lunch at the Gas Plant to avoid the maniacal laughter of one of the young engineers. 'Pat' Morris calls me into his office and carefully explains that I am 'staff' and am required to eat in the 'staff' quarters. He tells me I have no other option. I tell him I have another option; I can quit. And I do.